Karma is a bitch. but just this once, I wish she wouldn't be.

Ive hurt so many people, and it hasn't even been on purpose. and sometimes I do feel bad. But honestly, really I dont. I sleep perfectly at night. Im one of the lucky people with no conscience, but Im a good person. Im good. I try really hard to be, sometimes of course I fail. But im a karma believer, and I trust that bitch will murder the hell out of me. I'm confident.
I've already meet her. She has ruined a lot for me. Or maybe it was me... When, you know what I mean. The point is, my karma has taken away love, hope, it has even gien me pimples! (this one time I was critical about some girl with pimples, and bam! The next day I get pimples! Im not joking. Karma is a bitch).
 But this one time, just this once I hope she can understand! It wasn't me, it was life! I was trying to do it right this time. I was trying to build a clean game, a real, honest, love. Where I wouldn't hurt my partner, where I would deeply love my lover.
Where I would be everything I had ruined before.
 I tried being caring, romantic, pendant; even dirty (which is fun. But not really my thing) I tried everything in the book and it just seemed to kick me back. so I looked for answers anywhere possible, under bed sheets, in love songs, dinner tables, in the stars, in car rides,skylines, in high nights.
 But every answer pulled me up and then eventually threw me back down and I fell on my face.
I know I did it wrong. I know at the end after all I just turned stupid. I know I decided to break my promise, but when I said those words to my love, I never thought they would be so hard to keep.
" I will never leave you alone in this, with us. I promise" those are the words of good that have hurt me the must.
 Karma must understand! I was just trying to emend my past mistakes. But I did leave, I did give up, I do deserve every tear I've shed since I left and some of the tears before that. But not all of this.
Im good, I take care of my people, I share, I litsen , I even love when im not supposed to.
Is it too much to ask for life not to kill me next time I try?
Because I don't think can handle it one more time.

if I could have a dollar. ...

If I could have a dollar for everytime ive bet on love and it betrayed me, I could probably buy Africa and recreate it into a whole new first world country/continent. And eventhough i haven't had a shitload of lovers, the magnitude in which love has played me a foul is worth millions of intense heart breaks .
I know everyone who is anyone has suffered in the hands of love one way or another, at least once, so I believe I can be understood when I say im sick of being played aroud with. And sure, eventhough im still young and not ready to settle down with the one, or hell, even find the one, I do think I deserve at least one love tryout that doesn't turn into a complete disaster. And by disaster I dont necessarily mean shoes-throing-shit-yelling-car-crashing-house-burning disaster, but, company/lonlyness desaster, unlove-love desaster, disappointment, hope-stealing desaster. The kind of shit that even though we tolerate, little by little it starts to eat out our soul, turning the inside into a swollen burn, that aches everytime you let the bandage out, so even knowing you should let it go, and take it off, you hold on to it pretty hard, because its painfull as shit to rip it off.
And if there is something-- anything ive learned from pain is that it is consuming and vibrent, and addictive like loud silence. Forcing one to get used to it, util we no longer notice it eating up your insides, and when you dare figure it out, sometimes its too late, and stepping out of it, feels as if it were worst than the pain itself.

dear thief.

Dear heart thief,
 I dont love you anymore, not like I used to, and its your fault for letting me go, but its fine, the pain is my fault too, for staying this long.
Please know my heart beats faster for you. sometimes from the joy, sometimes from the ache. And I have been realizing for a while now, that lately it has been more often the hurting who visits me, hurt and lonliness, because you are never with me, and it feels as if you dont mind to be, and when you are, youre just a shell. Empy.
And I am afraid, let me add, afraid ill learn to live with that level of hollowness and become empty and shallow.
 That ill learn to mirror your gaze.
 I Am sorry im choosing my smile over love, I'm betraying everything cupid stands for, "the enduring for true love", Im sorry .maybe I didnt give you enough, or let you take enough from me, or was it that you already took everything you needed out of me?

 I hope our unfinished love story stays with you forever, either hunting you down or just making a statement, I really dont care. I just hope it finds a place to stay, to be, somewhere where its host isn't beaten, somewhere where the little beauty it still holds can be admired, looked, maybe even loved.
I will miss everything im giving up on, I will miss love, I will miss you, and I will miss the me I was with you, because I loved it, I just stopped loving what it was becoming. And I feel like I tried oh, so many times to make it right, but sometimes wishes just dont come true.

Maybe I will be able to love again, find out what went wrong and try and do it right, maybe again with you, maybe with someone else, but I wont give up on love, thats the only promise in can give you now. I wont give up on love. I love you, love. But its over.

                                                 
                                                                                          Yours truly, robbed.

Cenizas de cigarros.

Me baño en cenizas de cigarros, mientras escucho tu nombre en canciones, este vino no me permite borrar tu recuerdo, que a parte de sentimientos es lo único que tengo,

Se que mañana no recordare el ritmo al que late mi corazón en este momento, Y olvidare la sinfonía de tus labios desde que nos separemos, Borrare la respiración de tus manos en mi cuerpo, Pero tatuare en mi mente como respiraba tus besos,

No subestimes mi capacidad de recordar olvidos Ni de olvidar recuerdos Porque asi como te amo, asi te detesto Porque asi como te extraño, tambien quisiera irme mas lejos

Me baño en cenizas de cigarros, Mientras exhalo el humo de tu piel, este vino no me permite inhalar tus distantes palabras Que aparte de mi deseo, es lo unico que tengo.