if I could have a dollar. ...

If I could have a dollar for everytime ive bet on love and it betrayed me, I could probably buy Africa and recreate it into a whole new first world country/continent. And eventhough i haven't had a shitload of lovers, the magnitude in which love has played me a foul is worth millions of intense heart breaks .
I know everyone who is anyone has suffered in the hands of love one way or another, at least once, so I believe I can be understood when I say im sick of being played aroud with. And sure, eventhough im still young and not ready to settle down with the one, or hell, even find the one, I do think I deserve at least one love tryout that doesn't turn into a complete disaster. And by disaster I dont necessarily mean shoes-throing-shit-yelling-car-crashing-house-burning disaster, but, company/lonlyness desaster, unlove-love desaster, disappointment, hope-stealing desaster. The kind of shit that even though we tolerate, little by little it starts to eat out our soul, turning the inside into a swollen burn, that aches everytime you let the bandage out, so even knowing you should let it go, and take it off, you hold on to it pretty hard, because its painfull as shit to rip it off.
And if there is something-- anything ive learned from pain is that it is consuming and vibrent, and addictive like loud silence. Forcing one to get used to it, util we no longer notice it eating up your insides, and when you dare figure it out, sometimes its too late, and stepping out of it, feels as if it were worst than the pain itself.